


The Stars Make Me Dream

by Penndragon27



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin’s Magic (Merlin), BAMF Merlin, Everybody loves Gwaine, Except Arthur, Gwaine is just a splendid guy, Hurt Merlin, Immortal Merlin, Jealous Arthur, M/M, Magic Reveal, Merlin's Scars Revealed, Pining, Pining Arthur, Powerful Merlin, Set after Season 4, blind Merlin, but before season 5, who is jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-23 14:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 19,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16621154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/pseuds/Penndragon27
Summary: After a sudden encounter with Morgana, Merlin is severely injured, only managing to survive by calling the Great Dragon. However, he must return to Camelot still affected and somehow hide this from Arthur. But what's another secret on top of so many others?Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, and the whole idea of how Merlin's blindness works is from TA Barron's Merlin series (which is amazing and everyone should read)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is so short, but sshh. I just didn't want to start the fic in medias res.
> 
> The title is from a Van Gogh quote, because he's beautiful.

Arthur was hungry and Merlin was late.

It was not an uncommon occurrence, but it irritated him nonetheless. Arthur had had a long day of training and running the kingdom and all he wanted was to sit by the fire and enjoy a nice meal. Unfortunately, neither of those were possible due to the ineptitude of his manservant.

The day was made even more stressful due to his council’s determination to marry him off. While he and Gwen were no longer together, that didn’t mean he was suddenly okay with being forced into a loveless marriage. No, he still believed in being with someone he loved with all his heart. Someone he would give his life for and could trust to do the same. Someone like-

His train of thought was cut off by the door to his chambers bursting open and Merlin entering, panting heavily and carefully balancing a tray laden with food.

“Sorry I’m late,” he gasped. “Gaius… chores… sweating sickness in lower town…”

“Stop your blathering, Merlin. Start a fire.”

Merlin nodded, setting down the tray, before heading towards the fireplace. Arthur watched as he crouched down to pile the wood and swallowed thickly before turning to his meal. He started eating, but when Merlin stood, he noticed the bags under his eyes.

“Have you eaten supper yet?”

Merlin furrowed his brows, as though the concept confused him. Understandable. It seemed most things confused his manservant.

“Um… no. I’ll eat with Gaius once I’m finished here.”

Arthur frowned. “You could just eat here, with me.”

Merlin’s eyes went wide. “Um, that’s hardly proper, sire. Besides, Gaius shouldn’t have to eat alone.”

“So, instead I should.”

Merlin bit his lip nervously, which bothered Arthur for some reason. Sighing, he leaned back slightly in his chair.

“You may leave. You can bring this tray back in the morning.”

Merlin nodded before rushing off, leaving Arthur to pick at the rest of his meal, suddenly not as hungry.

What was it about Merlin that bothered him so much? Why did talking to him make him feel simultaneously happy and angry?

Staring at the remains of his supper, he sighed before heading to his desk to try and get some work done, both as a distraction and because he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep any time soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a slightly longer chapter for y'all

Merlin could not sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He stared at the ceiling in frustration, willing his eyelids to grow heavy, but nothing. For some reason, he was wide awake. It didn’t make much sense considering the amount of work Arthur made him do that day, but here he was.

Trying to slow his breathing, Merlin closed his eyes and cleared his mind. He could do this. He just had to calm down, let his limbs to go loose. He allowed his thoughts to slip away, focusing on nothing.

He felt himself get really warm and resisted the urge to move and wake up fully. He kept his breathing steady and chased after that syrupy, dreamlike feeling. It seemed to be working, his mind swirling with hazy images: a cliff overlooking the sea, rolling hills, a lake surrounded by mountains.

Then he was in the forest, walking carefully beneath the moonlight. It was foggy and quiet, not even the dull hum of insects. He followed a path padded with fallen leaves until he reached a clearing. There, in the center stood a cloaked figure. He slowly approached until they turned, lowering their hood and revealing their face.

It was Morgana.

Merlin stumbled back and then she was holding a ball of flame. A ball of flame that was soon speeding straight for him.

Merlin jerked awake in shock, shivering and sweating. He sat up quickly and looked around. He was still in his room, but there, in the wall across from him, was a circular burn mark.

Merlin tried to steady his breathing. This was just a dream and his magic must have acted out. He wasn’t a Seer, so there was no way that could have been real, right? Merlin shook his head, laughing shakily.

Just to be cautious, he walked over to the window and looked out. Using his magic, he looked ahead, into the forest. Everything seemed okay, until there was a sharp pang of foreign magic, dark and nauseating. Merlin quickly drew back, recoiling in shock.

It was definitely Morgana’s magic. He would recognize that sickening feeling anywhere. Which meant he had to go find out why the hell Morgana was anywhere near the city in the middle of the night.

With one last longing glance at his bed, Merlin cursed his destiny and snuck out of his room.

***

When he reached the forest, Merlin was only slightly surprised to find a padded path, identical to the one in his dream. He pushed down any shock and confusion and instead focused on his goal.

Remembering his dream, Merlin kept more to the side, hiding amongst trees and bushes. Using magic to see the clearing ahead, Merlin broke from the path and crouched down, inching forward, and minding not to make a sound.

Then, Morgana walked into the clearing. She was just as drab and disheveled as the last time he saw her. She looked impatient, arms crossed and brows furrowed in frustration. Then, there was a rustling nearby and somebody else entered the clearing. He was dressed in long robes. A druid.

“You’re late,” Morgana said coldly.

“I apologize, my lady. These are troubling times,” The druid responded.

 “No matter. Did you speak to your group?”

“I tried, but ever since Arthur’s acceptance towards Druids, there has been less cause for revolt.”

Morgana sneered. “Yet he still rejects the Old Religion.”

“Yes, but he lacks the bloodlust Uther had, and his actions towards the druids have given hope. There are whispers he could be changing his mind about magic.”

Merlin allowed a small smile to spread across his face.

Morgana scoffed. “As if. He will never accept our kind. He will turn out just like Uther, mark my words.”

The druid nodded in acknowledgement. “If that is what you choose to believe, my lady.”

Morgana rolled her eyes. “Is there no chance of gaining their support?”

“I do not think so. Most of our people our waiting for Emrys to bring the return of magic.”

Merlin held back a gasp.

Morgana growled. “Emrys is a weak old man with no loyalty towards our kind. If I ever find him he will receive a slow and painful death.”

The druid gave a small laugh. “Emrys is the most powerful sorcerer ever to walk the earth. Do not assume it will be so easy.”

Morgana rolled her eyes before tilting her head in thought. “Do you know who Emrys is? Where he is?”

Merlin held his breath, careful not to move a muscle, although they could probably hear his heart pounding in his chest.

The druid shook his head. “The ways of Emrys are a mystery to us all.”

Morgana nodded slowly. “Very well, you may go. Let me know if anything changes and remind your people how Arthur has treated them in the past.”

The druid nodded and left.

Merlin stayed hidden, trying to slow down his racing heart and process what he had seen. He needed to get back to the castle, but Morgana was still in the clearing. Why wasn’t she leaving?

Instead she reached to her side and pulled out her sword. Swinging it experimentally, she circled around the clearing, getting closer and closer to where Merlin was hiding.

Carefully crouching lower, Merlin waited for her to pass when suddenly he was forced up and towards Morgana. She caught him by the collar of his shirt and grinned wickedly at him.

“Oh, Merlin. You didn’t think I wouldn’t notice you? Your stealth skills really are quite terrible.”

Merlin struggled to break free, searching for any way to use magic without Morgana noticing. The witch laughed at his panic.

“You know, you wouldn’t have to keep facing me if you would just mind your own business.”

Morgana sneered at him and Merlin was just considering the option of revealing his magic when a sword was plunged into his stomach.

He froze, eyes wide and looking into Morgana’s gleeful face.

“You survived the Serkets and the Fomorrah, but this is a little more difficult to fight.”

Merlin was dropped to the ground, hands clutching the bleeding wound. Morgana laughed in victory as she strolled out of the clearing. Before leaving, she turned around in thought.

“And since you have a bad habit of not dying when I try to kill you,” she smiled and murmured a spell. Her hand filled with fire that was soon hurdling towards him.

He managed to roll out of the way, but it hit a tree and was soon spreading. Morgana laughed and then was gone.

Merlin looked down at his stomach. He was losing a lot of blood and would likely not make it back to the castle. Even so, he was rapidly being surrounded by fire and couldn’t get out of the clearing.

He tried to focus on a spell, but he was growing dizzy from blood loss and inhaling smoke. Morgana had chosen a very dry part of the forest and the fire was growing rapidly.

Which left one option. Coughing through the smoke, Merlin took as deep a breath as he could and called out.

**“O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!”**

He tried to crawl away from the larger flames as he waited, but there was not much clear ground left. Finally, he heard the flapping of wings and looked up in time to see a burning branch falling towards him.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin woke up to darkness. His lungs felt clear, but sore, and he gratefully breathed in the fresh air around him. His thoughts were fuzzy and he lay there for a moment, trying to remember what happened.

When it came back to him, his hands reached for his stomach. He didn’t feel any blood, but he couldn’t see in the dark. His eyes were still stinging from all the smoke and ash that no doubt reached them.

“Ah, young warlock. You’re awake.”

“Kilgharrah?” His voice was choked and raspy and he tried to clear it. It was still rough and he wished he had some water.

“Yes. How are you?”

Merlin frowned, trying to turn his head towards the sound of the voice. “I’m fine, I think. Wasn’t I stabbed in the stomach?”

There was a low laugh and Merlin felt a smile grow on his own face in response. “And nearly burned alive. Fortunately for you, Morgana is unaware that no mortal blade can kill you.”

Merlin jumped. “Really? That applies to me too?”

“If it applies to the witch, it should apply to you, who has ten times her power.”

“Well that’s… something. Does this mean I’m technically the living dead?”

Despite the darkness, Merlin could tell the dragon was rolling his eyes. “Merlin, you were born from the magic that makes up the fabric of this world. You have always been and always will be.”

Merlin sat for a moment as he processed that. “Will be? Am- am I immortal?” The word tasted strange on his lips.

“If that is how you choose to define it, then yes. You are, in a sense, immortal.”

Merlin felt his head spin. “Okay. That’s something I choose to process at another time. Right now, is there any way to get some light? I don’t know if dragons have some sort of night vision, but I can’t see anything.”

He was met with silence and the room stayed dark. “Kilgharrah?”

“Young warlock, we are outside. It is daytime.”

Merlin felt panic swell in his chest. “What?”

“I feared the damage the fire might have caused. I healed most of your fatal injuries, but some were more extensive. Life and death is one thing, but this is something else, especially as the witch used enchanted flames. You still have other burns across your body I couldn’t fully heal. I could keep you alive, but how alive is not up to me.”

“What happened?”

“When I found you, you were underneath a burning log. I managed to reduce some of the scarring so it’s not as noticeable, but I could not restore your sight.”

Merlin felt his stomach drop and brought a shaking hand to his face. His hand was cool and felt calming around his stinging eyes. It was hard to tell, but he felt a few scars. One seemed to cut through his left eyebrow, another twisted around his other eye, reaching the top of his cheek. Another slashed the bridge of his nose.

“I’m- I’m blind?”

Kilgharrah sighed. “I’m afraid so.”

“But- but I can’t. I have a destiny! How the hell am I supposed to protect Arthur if I can’t even see him?”

“You are destined for greatness, young warlock, working eyes or not. You will find away.”

Merlin felt tears spring to his eyes, making them sting even more. Cautiously, he reached out a hand until he felt a wall and used it to stand up. The wound on his stomach seemed to be healed, only twinging slightly.

“Where-” he choked. “Where am I?”

“You are just inside of a cave. I am standing just outside it. There is a lake nearby if you need it.”

Merlin nodded slowly. “Which way?”

“You are facing the entrance.”

Keeping one hand on the wall, he shakily stepped forward. Soon the wall stopped and he reached his hands out, hoping there weren’t any trees in front of him. Suddenly, his foot caught on something and he was pitched forward. He braced himself for impact, but a claw hooked into the back of his shirt and pulled him upright.

“Careful. It will take getting used to.”

Merlin nodded and took careful steps forward until Kilgharrah told him he’d reached the lake’s edge.

Kneeling slowly, he reached his hands forward until they hit the cool water. Urgently, he cupped some in his hands and drank, letting it soothe his sore throat. When he was satisfied, he splashed some on his face, relishing the feeling of it on his burning eyes.

Finished, he sat back and took a deep breath. His heart was racing and his lungs felt tight, which was not helping the pain in them.

“What do I do?”

“I wish I could tell you. Right now, perhaps it is best to learn to live with this.”

Merlin nodded blankly, having no idea where Kilgharrah was.

***

People at Camelot were probably wondering where the hell he was, but Merlin’s next few days easily distracted him from that. With Kilgharrah’s help, he learned his way around the cave and surrounding area. With his sight gone, his other senses worked better and he could usually tell where the dragon was by the sound of his breathing. He tried to focus on getting around, not wanting to deal with the fact that he would probably never see again.

Sometimes he grew frustrated and would use magic to summon what he needed, but he was soon chastised as he couldn’t use that option in Camelot.

Merlin tried not to think about going back. He knew he had to, what with Morgana still out there and Arthur’s penchant for near death experiences, but he was blind. Arthur would probably sack him as soon as he found out and nobody had any need for a blind servant. Without being able to use his magic, he would be deemed useless.

“Merlin, I brought you some food.”

The warlock carefully walked towards the sound of his voice, stopping when he could faintly feel the dragon’s breath. He held out his hands and felt a plank of wood placed there. Walking back to his corner, he sank to the ground and felt out his meal. Berries and very charred fish.

“I know this is difficult, but it will get better. I met a number of great sorcerers who were blind and managed just fine.”

“Yes, but they could probably use magic freely.”

Kilgharrah’s silence was all the answer he needed. He sighed and picked at his food.

“I was actually wondering. Before I found Morgana in the woods, I dreamt it. I saw the same path, I saw Morgana, and I even saw the fire. It’s how I knew where to find her.”

“Oh?”

“Is that- Was I just sensing nearby magic or could it be… more?”

“It is hard to say. Your powers are unlike any other. There is no telling what abilities you might possess.”

“Great. Now I might have nightmares and sleep deprivation to look forward to.”

Kilgharrah was silent and Merlin rolled his eyes. “Oh, don’t’ give me that look.”

“And what look, pray tell, am I giving you?”

“You know, that exasperated ‘How is _he_ the most powerful warlock ever’ look.”

“And how would you know that?”

Merlin opened his mouth to respond and froze. How did he know? He couldn’t see. He tilted his head in thought. “I- I’m not sure. I just sort of, knew it.”

“Hm. Wait right there.”

Merlin sat as he listened to Kilgharrah leave the cave. Soon, he returned and something was placed in front of him.

“What is that?”

“A flower,” Merlin responded before he could contemplate. He couldn’t describe it. He just sort of… knew there was a flower in front of him, and not just that. “A blue flower. The kind Gaius uses in his sleeping draughts.”

He heard the dragon chuckle. “It seems we will never know the full extent of your abilities.”

Merlin placed his food down next to him. “You mean… my magic? It’s helping me to see?”

“It would seem so.”

Merlin let out a cry of delight and quickly stood up. Taking a deep breath, he let his magic spread out and sense the area around him. Carefully, he walked out of the cave and to the lake. He didn’t stumble. He turned and continued walking; instinctively stepping over what he knew to be a tree root. He felt a smile spread across his face. He could work with this.

Merlin’s practice excelled after that, aided by a new, hopeful feeling inside of him. He had Kilgharrah test him, swishing his tail back and forth, changing the layout of the area. With each passing day, his instincts grew sharper.

 It was hard to explain. He still couldn’t see. He couldn’t see what shade of blue the flowers were; he just knew they were blue. He couldn’t see Kilgharrah’s face, but he knew what his expression was. With this strange mix of instinct and knowledge, Merlin could pass for a person with working eyes.

The only problem was night. For whatever  reason, once it was dark out Merlin’s second sight couldn’t work and he had to rely on his other senses to get by. He didn’t really care, though, he was so relieved. Besides, at night he could sleep and dream of all the sights and colours he had lost.

“Okay, if you just saw me, would you be able to tell I’m blind?”

Kilgharrah squinted at him as Merlin walked confidently around and stopped in front of the dragon.

“Well, your eyes are a bit vacant, but you never were one to focus.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and tried to fix his gaze on where he knew Kilgharrah was standing. So long as he avoided as much eye contact as he could, he should be fine.

“I guess it’s time for me to go back to Camelot.


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin very jarringly learned the difference between being partially blind in the forest and in a busy city.

As he walked through the lower town, he tried to rely on his instincts to avoid any lasting damage, but the assault of noise and movement threw him off. At least he was known for being clumsy.

With only a few bumps and bruises, Merlin made it to the citadel and set out for Gaius’ chambers. Luckily, it was just the physician in the room.

“Gaius!”

“Merlin? My dear boy, what on earth happened to you?”

He rushed forward and hugged the old physician, relieved to be back. “Oh, Gaius. So much has happened. How long have I been gone?”

Gaius pulled away so he could examine him and Merlin could feel his eyes stopping at the scars around his eyes.

“You’ve been gone for a week. I thought you were dead. Arthur has sent patrols after you.”

Merlin lowered his head guiltily. “I’m sorry. I nearly was, though.”

Gaius sat Merlin down and gave him some water to sip as he told him all that had happened, from the dream to dealing with his sight.

“So, you’re blind?” Gaius was looking at him incredulously.

“Sort of. My magic helps. I mean, I know you’re in front of me. I know you’re wearing your brown robes, but I can’t see it. It’s all just instinctual, I guess.”

“Remarkable,” now Gaius was looking at him in awe. “Your powers never cease to amaze me.”

Merlin blushed and felt his eyes sting again, going to scratch around them.

“Does it still hurt?”

“They still sting a bit. Like there’s still smoke.”

“What about the wound on your stomach?”

“Surprisingly, that’s the least of my worries. It’s pretty healed. I can feel a scar there, and it sometimes pulls a bit, but that’s all.”

“Let me get you a cool cloth to put on your eyes. It should help with the pain and I can add some soothing oils to it.”

Merlin gave a small smile. “Thank you, Gaius. I’m sorry I worried you.”

Gaius scoffed as he moved around. “Not just me. You just disappeared one morning. Nobody had any idea what happened to you.”

Merlin sighed. “I have no idea what to tell Arthur. Did you… try to explain my absence?”

“Well, at first I said I sent you to gather herbs, as I had a feeling your disappearance was related to your… extracurricular activities. After a couple days, though, I was worried and told Arthur so.”

“Alright, thank you. That helps explain my immediate disappearance.”

Gaius nodded and handed a damp cloth to him. Merlin placed it over his eyes and sighed in relief at the soothing effect it had on his dry and stinging eyes.

“Thank you, Gaius.”

“Of course. I only wish you didn’t have to go through this. If you weren’t a Dragonlord, or if the Great Dragon came a moment later…”

“Hey, apparently I’m almost immortal. It’ll take more than a sword to the gut and some fire to kill me.”

Gaius gave him an exasperated look and it was weird to know about it while his eyes were covered. He carefully lifted it for a minute.

“Gaius… what do I look like?”

He felt the sad look given to him before he heard the answer.

“Well, you’re not quite meeting my eyes. There’s sort of a… distant look there. The scarring around your eyes isn’t too bad. One goes through your eyebrow, though. You also need a shave.”

Frowning, Merlin lifted a hand to his face. He hadn’t really been able to shave while recovering and his face was now covered in decent stubble. He should probably take care of it, but he didn’t exactly trust himself to shave no matter how magical his second sight was. Maybe he’d trim it if it got too long.

“I have to go find Arthur now, don’t I?” Merlin replaced the cloth to his eyes and leaned his head back in exhaustion.”

Gaius gave him a look. “Well, the day’s almost over anyway. Besides, he doesn’t know when you returned. You still need to come up with a realistic excuse.”

Merlin nodded. “True. I can’t see in the dark anyway. I’m going to keep this cloth for the night, by the way.”

Gaius laughed.


	5. Chapter 5

“Rise and shine!”

Arthur’s eyes burst open at the sound of that overly cheerful voice and he immediately sat up.

“Merlin!”

There, in all his awkward and gangly splendour, was Merlin. But… not. There was scarring around his eyes, not terrible, but still noticeable. He also had stubble, which was just strange. He didn’t think Merlin was capable of growing a beard and yet here he was, doing so and managing to pull it off. Arthur quickly calmed his squirming insides, instead focusing on anger.

“Where the hell have you been?” Arthur couldn’t believe it. He thought he was dead.

“Well,” his voice was rough and deep and Arthur tried especially hard to ignore that. “I was out collecting herbs for Gaius, but I met someone from a nearby village in need of a physician. There was a sickness there so I had to go back with him and help. Sorry I couldn’t send a message.”

Arthur shook his head. “Wonders never cease. What happened to your face, though?”

Merlin ran a hand across his face, as though he had forgotten what he looked like. “Oh, I didn’t have a chance to shave for a while. Is it improper?”

“No,” Arthur said quickly. A little too quickly. He cleared his throat. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not used to it. What about your eyes? Why are they all scarred?”

He tried to meet Merlin’s eyes, but his gaze seemed distant, as though he were looking passed him. Arthur looked behind him, expecting to see something of interest, but there was nothing there.

“Oh, that. I… er, fell into a bush.”

Arthur paused. “A bush.”

“Yep. Got all scratched up. You know how clumsy I can be.”

“Right,” Arthur looked at him warily. Something about him seemed off. “Why aren’t you meeting my eyes?”

Merlin jumped and their eyes finally met, but Merlin still seemed worlds away. That’s what he gets for having an easily distracted servant, though.

“Sorry, just thinking.”

“Well, don’t strain yourself. Is the village okay?”

“Yea, it was just a common disease. Seems frightening, but simple enough with some physician’s training.”

Arthur nodded slowly. He sometimes forgot how trained Merlin was in the art of healing. Although, considering his closeness with Gaius, it shouldn’t have been as surprising.

“Well, I’m glad you’re back because, as you can see, my room is a mess and my armour needs polishing.”

Merlin gave him a smile as the door opened and Gwen entered carrying a tray of breakfast. Her face immediately split into a grin at the sight that greeted her.

“Merlin! You’re safe!”

Merlin gave a laugh and stepped forward as Gwen quickly put down the tray so she could throw her arms around him.

“Yes, I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Gwen laughed as she pulled away. “If you think I was worried, you should have seen Arthur. He was about to send out the entire army and-”

“Yes, Guinevere, that’s enough.”

Gwen laughed before lifting a hand to Merlin’s face. “What happened to you? I do love the stubble, though.”

Merlin gave a nervous laugh, ears turning red, and Arthur rolled his eyes. “Alright, he’s had a whole ordeal, but now he’s back and should be getting back to work.”

The two laughed and rolled their eyes at him. Arthur frowned as he got out of bed. He watched Merlin take out his clothes for the day and Gwen smiled with fondness as Merlin told her his story. So he healed some people, it wasn’t that big of a deal.

When Merlin finished, Arthur finally decided he should get ready for the day.

“If you’re finished regaling Gwen with your extreme tripping abilities, I need to get dressed.”

The two servants exchanged a look before Gwen gave Merlin one last hug and left.

Arthur moved forward so that Merlin could undress him and tried not to focus on how much older and rougher he looked with stubble and scars. He hoped Merlin couldn’t see the blush spreading across his face.

 “Well,” Arthur cleared his throat. “It’s good to have you back. There are lots of chores to catch up on.”

Merlin gave a small smile. “Of course, sire.”


	6. Chapter 6

Merlin felt extremely relieved as he headed towards the training area. Arthur believed his story and no one noticed his blindness. Maybe he could do this.

The knights were fighting as he approached, but some stopped when they saw him.

“Merlin!”

He couldn’t help but laugh as Gwaine, ignoring Arthur’s shocked expression, left their fight and ran towards the young servant. Merlin smiled as he was encased in a hug.

“It’s good to see you too, Gwaine.”

The knight pulled away and walked next to him as they reached a very perturbed king.

“Gwaine, for future reference, when fighting someone, it’s probably best you don’t run off to hug someone in the middle.”

Gwaine simply rolled his eyes and turned back to Merlin. “You scared us all half to death, you beautiful bastard. And look at that stubble, as if you weren’t hard enough to resist.”

Merlin felt his face heat up as his hair was ruffled. Gwaine was never discreet about his affinity for both sexes and often flirted with everyone in sight.

Arthur cleared his throat awkwardly. Unfortunately, he had clearly lost control as some of the other knights broke off to see Merlin.

Merlin laughed at Arthur’s frustration as he repeated his story to the waiting knights, careful to keep all the details the same. He was getting laughed at by Leon about falling into a bush when he was suddenly pulled out of the group.

“Alright, alright,” Arthur frowned at the knights. “Yes, Merlin’s back, but that doesn’t mean you can all ignore you’re training. Gwaine, Leon, you two fight next.”

Gwaine gave Merlin one last hug before going off to fight, and he heard Arthur scoff next to him.

“Sorry, sire. I’ll go wait by the side.”

Arthur nodded stiffly and Merlin went to stand by a tree, grateful for the shade to block the sun from his overly sensitive eyes.

He aimed his gaze at the training, sensing how the fight was going. He found that when he leaned against the tree, he could feel the magic coursing through it and used it to sharpen the image in his mind, playing the scene out like a memory.

“You okay?”

Merlin jumped, the fight disappearing as he moved away from the tree. He turned and knew that Percival was next to him.

“Huh?”

The knight was smiling. “You seem a bit… distant.”

“Oh, sorry. Just a bit tired. You know, barely back a day and immediately put to work. Didn’t get much sleep, either.”

Percival was nodding and then frowned. “Hm, sometimes in the sun your eyes change colour a bit.”

Merlin choked and immediately directed his gaze towards the ground. “R-really?”

“Yea, I’ve noticed it sometimes.”

“Huh. Must be the light or something.”

“Must be… You’re eyes are definitely shining more than usual.”

The warlock blushed.

 “Merlin!” Arthur’s voice suddenly rang. “Stop distracting my knights. Percival, you’re up next.”

“Sorry, sire. Entirely my fault.” Percival hurried off and Merlin let out a breath of relief. Not long after, Arthur appeared at his side.

“What was that about?” Arthur was frowning at him.

“What, sire?”

“What did Percival say to you? You were blushing like a twelve year old girl.”

Merlin coughed again into his fist, still trying to get used to the seemingly permanent dryness of his throat.

“Oh, just some harmless teasing. You know Percy.”

“Yes, I do. That’s why I’m surprised. He rarely jokes.”

Now it was Merlin’s turn to frown. “What do you mean?”

“He’s always so quiet. We’ve been trying to get him to open up a bit. It was even worse when you were gone.”

Merlin shrugged, ignoring his increasing heartbeat. “I’m probably just easiest to make fun of. Besides, there’s no harm in teasing me. He’s probably just cautious around you guys. I’m just the closest to him after… Lancelot…” He trailed off awkwardly.

“Right.” Merlin could feel Arthur’s gaze on him and held back a shiver.

It was disconcerting to know he was being looked at, know it was the king, and not see a thing. He couldn’t be sure whether his magic was providing an image for him or if it was just his memory supplying it for him. Did Arthur look the same? Would Merlin be able to tell if something changed? He instinctively knew that Arthur was wearing his light brown boots, but he couldn’t see it. He was even starting to struggle to remember what the shade looked like. Secretly, he wished it were night already and he could dream of all the colours he was starting to forget.

“Merlin?”

“Hm,” he was pulled out of his thoughts by the instinctual knowledge that Arthur was waving a hand in his face. He blinked, trying to ignore that sting in his eyes.

“What is wrong with you? You seem leagues away.”

“Right, sorry. You were saying something?”

“Why aren’t you meeting my eyes? Is something wrong?”

Merlin jerked his head around. “Sorry, just distracted by the training, I guess. Percival’s speed has improved a lot.”

He froze after his comment. How did he even know that? He wasn’t paying attention to the fight. He had little knowledge of knight training. And yet, when thinking about the fight, he somehow knew it was true.

He could feel Arthur’s puzzled glance on him. “Yes, he’s gotten much better… Are you sure you’re alright? Did you hit your head when you fell in that bush?”

Merlin gave his signature grin. “Probably.”


	7. Chapter 7

Getting all of his chores done while blind was not easy.  Merlin moved clumsily through the castle, trying to avoid all the bustling activity. His least favourite place became the kitchens, always so loud and busy that Merlin was bound to either drop something or wind up on the ground himself.

When the day reached its end, it was with relief that Merlin headed to Arthur’s chambers for his last few tasks. The room, unfortunately, was a mess, but he worked quickly so that he could make it back to his room before it was fully dark. If he thought today was hard, he did not want to navigate the castle while fully blind. Arthur seemed to notice his rush, though.

“Have you got somewhere else to be?”

Merlin gave a small smile. “Of course not, sire. Just… had a long day and am eager to rest.”

He could sense Arthur’s frown. “Are you sure you weren’t injured on your… journey.”

“Of course not,” Merlin forced a laugh. “I think you’d probably notice.”

“Right. Well, just tend to the fire and then you’re done for the day.”

Merlin nodded and crouched in front of the fireplace hesitantly. He was facing the flames, and didn’t like the feeling of heat on his face. As much as he used to love fire, especially manipulating it with his magic, now all it did was sting his eyes and bring back terrible memories. He worked steadily, keeping his gaze down, and turned away as soon as he was to hide the fact that his eyes were starting to tear up.

“Merlin, are you okay? You’ve been strange ever since you got back.”

“Sorry. I’m sure I just need a good night’s sleep and I should be annoying you in no time.”

Arthur probably nodded, but Merlin’s second sight was beginning to dim as the sun disappeared. He had to get back.

“Will that be all?”

“Yes, please. Go get some sleep or something.”

With one last nod, Merlin left the room and carefully made his way down the hall. He could feel the heat from the torches on the wall and used that to keep center, but he struggled to keep track of how long before he turned and where the hell he was going. He tentatively reached out a hand, aiming for the wall, and recoiled when he almost grazed a torch.

He felt panic swell in his chest and tried to calm down. He needed to figure out where he was and how to get back to Gaius’ chambers without… dying. As immortal as he may be, he had no interest in walking face first into a burning torch.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly began walking again and hoped he was going the right way when he walked head first into… someone.

“Merlin?” He felt hands on his shoulders and struggled to make out the voice. “Are you alright?”

“Gwaine?”

“Yes, it’s me. What happened?”

Merlin felt his face heat up and looked down guiltily. “Um, is anyone else around?”

“No, this corridor is nearly abandoned. What’s wrong?”

“Er, just a dizzy spell or something. Probably some after effects of my fall.”

He couldn’t see Gwaine’s reaction, but was willing to bet it was one of worry. He crossed his arms defensively.

“Anyway, I should get going.”

He turned to leave and jumped when he felt a hand grab his arm.

“Are you joking,” Gwaine scoffed. “Like hell I’m going to let you walk around the castle like this! You could collapse or something. Come on, I’ll take you.”

Merlin opened his mouth to argue, but was already being pulled along. He kept his head down in embarrassment, angry that he couldn’t even walk to his rooms without someone guiding him.

“It’s okay. No one thinks less of you Merlin. Why didn’t you tell anyone it was this bad?”

“Um, I told Gaius. He gave me some… potions and stuff. I should be fine.”

“Right.”

They walked for a while, Merlin grateful for Gwaine keeping a hand on his arm.

“Alright, you’re home. Are you good from here?”

Merlin nodded and waited for Gwaine to release him.

“Just remember, Merlin. You don’t have to keep secrets from me. All I want is to help you.”

“Thank you.”

Gwaine sighed and finally let go. Without another word, Merlin went through the door.

“Merlin, you’re back! Is everything okay?” Gaius was there.

“I’m fine, Gaius. I just- I can’t- It’s too dark for me to see.”

He cautiously walked forward, arms out to avoid hitting anything. When a hand appeared on his shoulder to guide him, he jolted and heard something crash.

“Sorry, I hope that wasn’t anything valuable.”

“It was just a jar. My fault, I shouldn’t have startled you.”

He shouldn’t have. Because Merlin should have been able to see Gaius head towards him.

“I have your supper here. Shall I walk you to the table?”

“I’m not hungry. My room is fine.”

He heard Gaius sigh and allowed himself to be led to his room. He was lowered to his bed and sat there, face in his hands.

“Here, I have another cloth for you to put over your eyes.”

He held his hand out to take it waited for the sound of Gaius leaving and the door closing.

Then he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst   
> Angst  
> Angst


	8. Chapter 8

Merlin adapted to this new way of life. Learning from his mistakes, he waited until Arthur was absent from his room so he could tend to the fire with magic and not have to look into it. He relearned his way around the castle, counting steps and keeping track of which areas were best to avoid as they were full of people and things to run into. He moved his chores around and worked faster so as to avoid having to walk back in the dark.

Some days, though, Arthur kept him late, and every time he would walk out of the royal chambers to find that Gwaine was there, waiting to walk him back. At first he said it was because Merlin seemed to still have ‘dizzy spells’, but as he had never told Gwaine to stop, he didn’t. Merlin wasn’t complaining. They would talk and joke amicably until they reached the physician’s chambers and Merlin could almost forget his blindness.

He found he missed a lot of things. He missed the sharp colours around the city and how they would change throughout the day. He missed actually knowing what people looked like instead of just a vague sense of who was in front of him.

But most of all, he missed the night. As he was always so busy during the day, Merlin always took solace in his evenings, reading and practicing magic or looking up at the stars. Now, however, they were just darkness. At first he tried some spells, but he could never see whether they worked or not.

As for reading, he could only do so during the day and with immense concentration. If he was alone he could use a spell that raised the letters, allowing him to feel them out. When in public, he had to subtly use his mind’s eye to sharpen the letters and see them clearly. He used to read a book a day, and now he had to spend hours struggling through a paragraph.

He had no way of seeing the stars again, except for fuzzy recollections in his dreams.

Gaius tried his best to help, always having a cool cloth ready for him every evening and keeping his meals simple and easy to eat without sight. Sometimes the knights would ask how he was, but Merlin brushed him off. He was fine. He would be fine. He just didn’t want to feel so helpless.

At least Arthur was none the wiser, as usual.

Keeping to his ignorant ways, Arthur treated Merlin the same as always and Merlin made sure to always be ready with a quip. Aside from the repeated vacant staring, he was the same as always.

Which was why Merlin was very nervous when Arthur announced they would be going on a hunt.

“A hunt?”

“Yes, Merlin, you do remember those, don’t you? You scare away all the prey, I finally capture something despite that and you whine about how the animal was innocent the whole way back.”

“Right. And how long will we be gone? You know, so I can let Gaius know.”

“I don’t know, probably sometime in the evening, maybe the next morning, depending how disruptive you are.”

“Evening?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Oh, don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark, Merlin. Don’t worry, you’ll have your horse to protect you.”

Merlin jumped. “We’re going alone? No knights?” How the hell was he supposed to hide his blindness from Arthur at night? Alone. In the woods.

“Yes, well, the knights have things to do.”

“Right. Um,” Merlin nervously ran a hand across his face, still getting used to the rough stubble there. “When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow morning. Try to be on time for once.”

Merlin fled from the room, relying solely on his instincts not to run into something. He made it all the way to the training yard and sensed Gwaine nearby. As complicated as it would be, he was his only hope.

“Gwaine!”

He felt Percival and Gwaine look up, apparently in the middle of a conversation.

“Merlin,” Gwaine was smiling. “How’s my favourite person in Camelot? I see you’ve taken my advice on that very attractive beard.” He reached up a hand to hold Merlin’s chin, making him blush.

“Um, right. Uh, can I ask you something?”

Gwaine nodded, smiling cheerfully. “If you have finally decided to accept me as your lover, the answer is yes.”

Merlin coughed awkwardly. “Um, right. It’s just that Arthur and I are going on a hunt tomorrow. All day. Probably won’t be back until after the next morning.” Merlin tried not to sound too panicked. He knew Gwaine knew that something was up, but he couldn’t tell the knight.

 “I get it, Merlin,” Gwaine smiled. “Not many knights would be able to handle Arthur alone for that long. If you want some pleasant company I’d be happy to come along.”

Percival smiled at them. “I’ll come too! You know, for Arthur’s protection and all that.”

Merlin let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you! Er, because you know how irritating his royal pratness can be.”

Gwaine winked at him and Merlin smiled back before running off to finish his chores.

***

Despite having to be up early, Merlin got little sleep that night. His dreams, rather than being filled with all of his missing sights and colours, were confusing. He was running through the forest, all silent except for his heavy breathing. Then he was a pheasant, which he somehow knew despite being unable to see himself. Then an arrow was flying towards him and he woke up.

He couldn’t see, which meant it wasn’t morning yet, so he lay in bed for the next few hours. He couldn’t go back to sleep, feeling dizzy and nauseous, and he pondered his dream. It felt similar to the one he’d had before facing Morgana and that had come true. Was this another vision? Was he becoming a Seer? Would he end up like Morgana, exhausted and constantly paranoid? And what did the deer mean?

Eventually, his second sight began to return to him and he got up for the day. He could tell his beard was getting long, but without reliable sight to shave it, he settled for trimming it as close as he dared. People would just have to get used to it.

He had another servant bring the king his breakfast and set out to prepare horses for the hunt and gather weapons.

He was just adjusting the saddle on the king’s horse when he heard the familiar call of his name. He turned to see Arthur walking towards him looking mildly annoyed.

“Why is it that Gwaine and Percival have suddenly decided to join us?”

Merlin smiled nervously. “Um, protection?”

“Protection.”

“Of course, sire. You’re the king. That means three times as many people trying to kill you than when you were prince. It’s simple math, really.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin laughed, turning back to the saddle. His fine motor skills were not what they once were and it took him longer than usual to prepare everything.

“Um, Merlin,” Arthur began and Merlin hummed in acknowledgement. “I thought it would just be us. You know, stress free.”

Merlin turned his head, hopefully meeting Arthur’s eyes. After nearly a month, he struggled to remember what shade of blue they were. He gave a strained smile.

“If it’s hunting and me in the same area, there will be stress. Besides, Gwaine and Percival are fun.”

The king sighed. “Very well.”

Merlin opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by the arrival of Gwaine and Percival.

“Well, princess, are you excited for a good hunt?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and shrugged off Gwaine’s arm.

“I still don’t think you two need to come.”

“Nonsense, we don’t want anything to happen to you guys. After all, Merlin is everyone’s favourite.”

“And we wish to protect you, sire,” Percival added quickly, glaring at Gwaine.

Arthur didn’t look happy, but eventually they managed to push off.


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur’s grumpiness at having Gwaine and Percival join them didn’t lighten up as they trekked through the forest. Merlin didn’t understand it because, while it was pretty last minute, Gwaine and Percival would good knights and fun to spend time with.

 And yet, as Gwaine told a story of how he defeated a wild boar with a single arrow (and not even a bow!), Merlin kept feeling bitter glances sent his way. He would have glared right back, if he knew the right direction to aim said glare. He’d probably end up giving Arthur’s horse the stink eye.

Merlin shook his head, giving a short laugh as Gwaine finished his story. He didn’t want to think about his blindness for once, no matter how difficult it was to ignore. The sun was shining, he was around friends (and Arthur), and they would have a fun time together (at least until evening came).

Soon, they reached a clearing where they tied up their horses to rest while they went to hunt. Merlin fumbled with his horse’s reigns when he felt a pair of hands take them away.

“Allow me,” Gwaine said.

Merlin smiled in thanks and heard Arthur huff. Merlin just resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It was starting to bother him that being blind made him seem all the more clumsy and inept. Every time Arthur questioned is vacant stare or struggle to do up his armour straps, it made him want to scream. He wanted to tell Arthur that he was doing his best. That he was doing pretty well considering what he has to work with.

As they set up a small camp for the day, Merlin thought back to when Arthur asked him to read over a speech and he had frozen. He couldn’t claim to be illiterate, as Arthur knew perfectly well he wasn’t. Merlin had stuttered, trying to think of an excuse as to why he suddenly couldn’t read in front of Arthur and had eventually settled on saying that it would be easier to critique by listening to it.

His stomach twisted at the memory, that moment of fear. Magic was difficult enough to hide, but being blind? It seemed as though every other thing Merlin said was a lie at this point. If Arthur ever did find out, he’d probably kill him on the spot for everything he’s done.

When everything was settled, he felt Arthur face them.

“One of us can stay behind and watch the supplies, I suppose.”

Merlin immediately brightened. “I can stay.”

He felt Gwaine clasp his shoulder. “I can stay with you, keep you company.”

Arthur frowned. “No, we’ll need Merlin to carry the game. Gwaine, you can stay back. I’m assuming you’re competent to not need any help?”

Merlin didn’t need magic to feel the tension between the two of them and shifted awkwardly until he sensed Gwaine break out into a smile, moving his arm so it slung over both of Merlin’s shoulders.

“As my king commands,” he said dramatically. Then he leaned a little closer to whisper in Merlin’s ear.

“Will you be okay?”

Merlin couldn’t help a small smile at Gwaine’s worry and nodded. He felt Gwaine’s analyzing look and tried to look confident.

It seemed to work because Gwaine nodded before stepping away. Immediately, Arthur’s hand gripped him and pulled him out of the camp.

“Let’s go.”

He could sense Gwaine rolling his eyes, even though he wasn’t facing them.

***

The hunt was pretty tedious for a while. They were letting most of the larger game go so they didn’t have to carry it for the rest of the day, and all the smaller game seemed to know to stay away from scary men in bright armour.

Percival seemed to be staying close to him. It confused Merlin for a while until he murmured out of Arthur’s earshot “Gwaine told me to keep an eye on you. Didn’t say why, but who am I to argue.”

Merlin gave him a warm smile. Part of him was amused because he didn’t exactly need looking after, as he was pretty capable, but it was nice of them to worry. Besides, he’d rather Gwaine or Percival find out about him than Arthur. Gwaine was already keeping a secret and Percival wasn’t of noble birth and didn’t have that influencing his beliefs.

Merlin almost stopped walking. When Lancelot found out about him, he was okay with it. More than okay. He was caring and supportive. It was also nice to have someone besides Gaius to talk to. Someone to help him in his destiny. But then, it ultimately got Lancelot killed.

He was desperate to reveal his secret, to not have to hide anymore, and his blindness only made things worse. He wanted to tell some of the other knights, maybe Gwaine or Percival, but would it ultimately get them hurt? And if Arthur ever did find out, would he punish them for knowing and not telling him?

These thoughts circled through his mind, keeping him uncharacteristically quiet as they tread through the forest. Thanks to his mind’s eye, he didn’t need to focus too much on where he was going, letting instinct take over.

Then, he heard Arthur stop and him and Percival quickly followed suit. Merlin sent his magic forwards a bit and almost jumped as he felt a pheasant in front of them, minding its own business.

Remembering his dream, he sent a bit more magic towards it. The pheasant pricked up, seeming to question the strange presence. Merlin sent calming thoughts, relaxing the bird. He followed the thread, looking into the bird’s mind. It was collecting some food for its children. One of them was especially greedy and always tried to steal from the others, so the pheasant was hoping to get enough to keep the young one quiet for once. Merlin sent a tickle of laughter.

Then, he was fully inside the birds mind. It was as though he had tumbled forward, his line of vision suddenly much lower.

Vision. He could see, sort of. He could see what the bird was seeing. He could see the green of the bushes around it. He heart skipped. He had almost forgotten what green looked like. Everything seemed so sharp and clear. He turned the pheasant’s head around, taking it all in, when suddenly he found himself facing a crossbow.

“No!” He wasn’t sure whether it was him or the pheasant that called out, but suddenly the bolt went flying and Merlin snapped back to his body, vision going black once more.

Vaguely, he knew Arthur was walking to check his kill, but Merlin didn’t want to focus on that. He felt nauseous, and his heart was pounding from the whole experience. He had been able to see, truly. Shapes and colours, all so bright and real. He had possessed a bird.

A bird that was now dead.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Arthur’s laughter.

“Finally! This’ll make a nice lunch, hm, Merlin?”

Merlin struggled to respond, so Percival quickly said “Wonderful, sire.”

He felt eyes on him, probably expecting a response, a reaction, something besides how sick he probably looked.

“Are you alright, Merlin?” Percival asked.

Merlin gave a weak smile. “I’m fine. Just not really a fan of hunting.”

“Don’t be such a girl,” Arthur said. “Here, carry this.”

His arms were suddenly full of feathers. The pheasant. He carried it gently, almost cradling it, and ignored the confused stares as they headed back to the camp.

Merlin’s eyes continued stinging, now with tears, and he fought to keep them from falling. This was stupid, it was just a bird. He never had this much of a problem with hunting before. Sure, he’d never _loved_ it, but he had no problem reaping the benefits afterwards. He’d never cried over a dead bird before.

But then, he’d never seen the mind of a bird before. He’d never felt what it felt, seen what it’s seen. He’d never been the bird, staring down a crossbow, killed for no other reason than a bored and hungry knight.

When they reached the camp, Gwaine greeted them and Merlin forced his face into one of complacency, as though he didn’t feel as though it was him the bolt had hit.

“Merlin,” Arthur called. “Do you want to get started on preparing the bird?”

He tried to respond, but was worried if he opened his mouth he would be sick. Then the pheasant was lifted from his arms.

“I’ll do it,” Percival said. “Why don’t you get a fire going?”

Merlin nodded. He wasn’t as big a fan of fire anymore, but it was more manageable. He tried to fight the stinging of his eyes as he got it going, wishing he’d thought to bring one of Gaius’ cloths. Not that he’d really be able to use it surrounded by other people.

Once the fire was done and Percival had the pheasant on a spit, Merlin sat on a log, trying to settle his stomach. He felt Gwaine sit next to him.

“Are you okay? Another dizzy spell?”

Merlin smiled at him. “Yep. I’m fine, though.”

Gwaine was frowning at him. “These dizzy spells have been going on for a while now, huh?”

He heard the accusation and blatantly ignored it. “I’m fine,” he bit out.

“Look, Merlin, I’m your friend. You know that I care about you. I mean, I’m in Camelot more for you than for the princess. Something has been off since you got back from wherever you disappeared to for a week and I wish you felt we were close enough that you could tell me.”

Gwaine put a hand on his back, fingers just brushing the nape of his neck. Merlin sighed, wanting to just tell him, but knowing he couldn’t. At least, not now.

Gwaine seemed to sense this. “Look, I’m not saying you have to spill your heart to me right here, right now, but if you ever want a talk or a decent shag,, I’m here for you.

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Thanks, Gwaine.”

“Gwaine,” Arthur called. “Why don’t you check on the horses?”

Grumbling, Gwaine gave Merlin a wink before getting up to do as he was told. His seat was soon taken by Arthur.

“Are you okay, Merlin?”

Merlin rolled his eyes, even though it made them twinge. “I’m fine, really. You know I’ve never liked hunting.”

“Maybe, but I’ve never seen you look ill over it before.”

Merlin struggled for a response. He had to lie again, didn’t he?

“At the village I was helping, I was helping out a farmer for a bit. Looking after the animals, that sort of thing. I guess it, um, strengthened my affinity for them.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and clasped his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Of course. Should’ve known it was something like that.”

Merlin gave a smile, hoping to come across as the helpless idiot Arthur thought he was. It seemed to work as Arthur smiled back before removing his hand. He then hesitated before speaking again.

“So, you and Gwaine. You guys are pretty close friends.”

Merlin shrugged, not seeing where he was going. “I guess. I’m friends with most of the knights.”

“Yea, but you guys seem to be the closest. Almost like… more than friends.”

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh. “Please! Gwaine flirts with everyone. It’s who he is.”

“Right.”

Merlin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Why do you care, anyway?”

Arthur coughed awkwardly. “I’m the king. I worry about my men. Need to make sure they’re in top shape, no distractions. Especially no distracting my servant.”

“Uhuh,” Merlin was skeptical, but was distracted from questioning further when the smell of cooked meat wafted towards them, making his stomach roil.

Arthur gave him a look Merlin really couldn’t figure out, curious or worried or something, before getting up and walking towards the fire.

Merlin tried to calm his stomach as the pheasant finished cooking and as Percival cut it up into pieces, but when a piece was offered to him, he quickly stood up.

“Um, I’m not really that hungry.”

“Are you sure,” Gwaine asked through a mouthful of food.

Merlin thought back to when the pheasant was alive, collecting food for its family.

“I’m sure.”

The others shrugged, continuing to eat, but Merlin felt the random glances sent his way, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with him.

“Merlin,” Percival eventually said. “There’s only a bit left. Are you sure you don’t want?”

He refused again, knowing if he tried to eat the pheasant he would be sick. Part of him wondered if he would ever eat meat again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always wanted to write a vegetarian Merlin, just cause of his whole 'connection to nature' thing...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say that the whole 'seeing through animals' and that making him vegetarian is very much inspired by the Inheritance Cycle, so... yep

When they returned to the city, it was still a light out, but the sun would be setting soon. Merlin handed off his horse to the stable hand and set off to finish his chores as quickly as possible. Soon all that was left was to bring Arthur’s supper, which he wouldn’t need for a while, so he went to see Gaius.

Unfortunately, his senses were assaulted by the scent of more cooking meat as soon as he walked in. Before Gaius could speak, Merlin immediately waved his hand, lessening the smell.

“Merlin, are you okay?”

Sinking into a chair, Merlin told Gaius everything that happened, feeling the weariness of the day sink in as his limbs grew heavy and his second sight flickered with the candles in the room.

“Incredible,” Gaius said once he’d finished. “Your magic never ceases to amaze me. You could actually see through an animals eyes?”

Merlin nodded. “Yes, but now the very thought of eating meat ever again makes me sick.”

“Here,” Gaius retrieved something from one of his jars and handed it to Merlin. It was a leaf.

“Chewing on this should settle your stomach.”

He did so. It tasted fresh and natural. It was nice.

“I have a bit of bread and cheese you can eat before you bring Arthur his meal.”

Merlin smiled his thanks and ate his food as fast as his nausea would allow, the leaf did help, though. When he finished, he knew he didn’t have long before his sight was gone and rushed off to grab Arthur’s meal.

When he reached his chambers, he knocked, entering after hearing a faint “Come in.”

Arthur was sitting at his desk, someone else standing in front of him.

“Ah, Merlin. Set it down over there.”

He set down the tray as the other person in the room faced him. Arthur spoke up.

“Merlin, this is our newest knight.”

“An honour, Sir Degore.”

Arthur and the knight jumped.

“Have we met?”

Merlin almost choked as he realized he was never told the knight’s name. He just knew. Because magic.

“Er, no, sir. I’ve just, heard the talk amongst the other knights.”

Degore nodded and Merlin came to another realization. He had no idea what he looked like. His mind said he had dark hair and eyes, but he could not picture what this knight looked like. He just knew it was Sir Degore. He even knew he was thirty five, but he could not summon an image of his face. That meant that when he talked to the people he knew, it was his memory that supplied the image. Would he eventually forget? Would he one day wake up, unable to recall what Arthur or Gwaine or Gaius looked like?

Merlin felt his heart flip. “If that is all, sire?”

Arthur nodded for him to leave and he turned and all but ran out the door. In the hallway, he leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. His lungs felt like they were being crushed and his heart was racing fervently. He needed to cough, the itch in his throat stronger than usual, but he couldn’t get the air to work properly.

His sight was dimming and he knew he had to get back to his room, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to forget what his friends looked like. He didn’t want to be unable to see.

His thoughts swirled in his head as he struggled to control his breathing. He didn’t want to go back to his room.

Instead, he took three deep breaths, allowing himself to get steady enough to walk down the hall and to the knights’ quarters.

Counting the doors, his sight just about flickered out as he knocked on one of the doors.

It opened and Gwaine’s voice asked “Merlin?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” he choked.

Even with his sight gone, he knew Gwaine was smiling at him as he pulled him into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooohhhhhh, drama! (Just wait til the next chapter O.o)
> 
> I've literally been sitting in Starbucks all day, being the stereotypical writer. I'm hoping to finish most of this fic today because once reading week is over, I'm screwed til winter break


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love that off stage doing the do...

The next morning, Merlin awoke to Gwaine tracing patterns on his bare back. His eyes were still closed, but his breathing must’ve changed because Gwaine knew he was awake.

“Can I ask you something?”

Merlin blinked his eyes open and turned his head to face him. “Why not?”

“It’s kind of personal.”

Merlin smiled. “I think we’re passed personal.”

“How are you not dead?”

He froze, Gwaine’s hand also stilling its movement. “Um, what?”

“Well, aside from the numerous burns across your arms and the giant one on your chest, you also have this mark on your back which looks remarkably like a Serket sting, which is odd, considering those are very fatal.”

Merlin rolled over to fully face Gwaine, who dropped his gaze to his stomach.

“Plus that scar over there that seems to go through to the other side. I know it’s not my business, but shouldn’t you be dead?”

Merlin’s mouth opened as he grasped for words. Then Gwaine continued talking.

“Is it because of your magic?”

Merlin sat straight up, eyes wide.

“What?”

Gwaine was smiling wryly. “I mean, I’m not blind.” Merlin flinched. “All those close calls with bandits, you disappearing for a bit during major wars and suddenly everything’s fixed. You survived the Dorocha and were immune to Lamia. There’s also the whole ‘dwarf called you magic’ thing.”

Merlin ran a hand across his face, fighting the urge to rub his eyes as it would make them sting.

“Is it really so obvious?”

Gwaine shrugged. “Nah. Well, maybe. To me. And Percy. Apparently your eyes turn gold a lot. Like when fighting and during the hunt. He asked me about it, but don’t worry, he’ll keep quiet.”

Merlin groaned. “Does Arthur know?”

“Please! He doesn’t want you to have magic, so he’ll never see it. He’s a bit oblivious, that one.”

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “You’re really okay with it?”

“Yea, we both know magic is not as big a deal as Arthur makes it out to be. Heck, I knew a blacksmith who used magic to make sure every nail was the same size and for nothing else.”

Merlin smiled.

“You, however, seem to be a bit of a bigger deal. I mean, Dorocha, Serkets, whatever the hell else you’ve been through.”

Merlin grinned sheepishly and leaned against the headboard. “Um, right. So, have you ever heard of Emrys?”

Gwaine was gaping at him. “The most powerful sorcerer ever to walk the earth, saviour of the Druids, unite the lands of Albion, that Emrys?” Merlin nodded. “Once or twice.”

Taking a deep breath, Merlin pointed to himself. “Emrys.”

He could feel Gwaine’s astonished gaze as realization dawned on him. “Of course! Emrys means immortal, which explains the whole not dying thing and- wait. You’re immortal.”

Merlin nodded.

“You won’t age.”

Merlin nodded again.

“You can’t die.”

“Well, technically I can be killed with a blade forged in a dragon’s breath.”

Gwaine waved him off before just staring at him. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin just shrugged and Gwaine lifted a hand to trace the scarring on his face.

“And your eyes? Was it really a bush?”

He sighed, knowing he had to tell the truth. “I’m blind.”

Gwaine’s hand jumped before moving to the back of Merlin’s neck to bring him into a gentle kiss.

When they broke apart, Gwaine furrowed his brow. “How-”

“I’m not fully blind, not usually.”

At Gwaine’s confusion, Merlin explained his meeting with Morgana, and then he had to explain being a Dragonlord, and then he had to explain his blindness and how it worked. By the end, Gwaine was looking at him in awe.

“You’re incredible.”

Merlin blushed as Gwaine swung a leg over to straddle him, pushing him against the bed to bring their lips together, kissing his lips for a bit before making his way down his neck. When he felt teeth graze skin, Merlin jumped up, panicked.

“I’m late!”

Gwaine rolled off him, huffing. “Fine, go tend to the princess.”

Merlin gave him one last kiss before getting out of the bed to hurriedly get dressed. He reached for the door before turning back.

“Thank you, Gwaine.”

Gwaine shrugged, leaning back in his bed.

“Any time, Merlin. What are friends for?”

Blushing again, Merlin exited the room and turned down the hall, running straight into Arthur.

“Merlin?”

He rushed to regain his bearings, taking in the fact that Arthur was standing in front of him, looking incredulous. His oh so helpful magical instincts also felt that now was the perfect moment to remind him that he wasn’t wearing his neckerchief, the dark bruises along his collarbone on full display.

Arthur was sending across multiple emotions and Merlin struggled to make sense. There was confusion, anger, even sadness. “What are you-”

Just then, the door behind Merlin opened to reveal Gwaine, holding the forgotten neckerchief. “Merlin, you-” He trailed off at the sight. He was also still shirtless, revealing the matching bruises across his torso as well as some beard burn.  There was no way to misconstrue this.

“Arthur,” Gwaine was overly cheerful. “What brings you here?”

The king glared at him. “Merlin was late bringing breakfast and Gaius said he hadn’t returned last night, so I came to see if any of the knights knew where he was.” His voice was hard and strained. Merlin squirmed.

“Well, I’m right here, so I should be getting your breakfast!”

He smiled as brightly as he could, taking his neckerchief from Gwaine to tie around his neck, hoping it would help the awkwardness.

It didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.o


	12. Chapter 12

For the rest of the week, Arthur seemed utterly enraged at the fact that Merlin had a social life. He was short and sullen and gave Merlin so many chores he felt like his arms would fall off.

Luckily, now that Gwaine knew the truth, he was always there to help. He became a sort of bodyguard for him whenever he had to walk around at night and was nice to just talk to him freely. He also managed to corner Percival about his magic. The knight had just shrugged sheepishly, saying it wasn’t that big of a deal and Merlin was so happy he hugged him, there and then.

He didn’t spend the night with Gwaine again. They both seemed to know it was more of a one-time thing and aside from a lingering hug and the occasional chaste kiss, they remained close friends.

On a rare day that Merlin had some free time, he sat in his room, fingers running across the pages of a book to feel out the letters he had raised. He was getting better at reading that way, and was much faster than before.

His window was open in order to feel the fresh breeze and he suddenly sensed something land on the ledge, hooting softly.

Merlin raised his head instinctively. An owl. A brown pygmy owl, his mind supplied.

“Hello,” he said. “How can I help you?”

The owl hooted again. Remembering the pheasant (although he could hardly forget, having not eaten meat since the incident), Merlin sent out his magic towards the owl.

The owl twitched before letting him in. Hungry, he was hungry. Merlin smiled and assured him he could help.

Casting one last look at the bird, he left his room. Thankful that Gaius was out, he grabbed his jar of crickets to bring back to the owl.

He returned to his room and poured a few out on the ledge, where the owl was waiting. The bird was thankful and immediately dug in.

As the bird ate, Merlin focused on connecting their minds again, trying to strengthen it a bit.

“How did you know to come here?”

_I could feel your magic a mile away. You’re lucky humans are so stupid or you’d have been headless ages ago._

Merlin jumped at the bored voice in his head. That was very different from the pheasant.

“Um, okay. You can talk.”

If he could, the owl would’ve rolled his eyes.

_Of course not. You’re reading my mind, remember?_

Merlin smiled sheepishly. The owl kind of reminded him of Kilgharrah. The owl obviously heard this, as he ruffled his feathers importantly. He had finished with the crickets and then flew over to land on Merlin’s nightstand.

_So, magic man. Who are you?_

“Oh, right, of course.” It was a strange feeling, forgetting his manners to a bird. “I’m Merlin.”

The owl twitched. _I don’t like merlins._

He laughed. “Right. Well, some people call me Emrys, if you prefer that.”

The owl seemed shocked at this. _Your that Emrys? Poor druids._

“Thanks.”

_Just saying._

“Right. So, do you have a name or is Bird Brain fine?”

The owl was exasperated. _I’m an owl. I highly doubt I have a name you could comprehend._

“Right. How about…” Merlin noticed the book he had been reading. “Archimedes?”

_The circle guy?_

“How would you know that?”

_I hear people talk._

Merlin laughed and lifted a hand. “Can I pet you?”

_If you must._

Smiling, Merlin lowered his hand to the Archimedes’ head. It was soft, and he scratched gently. The owl seemed to like it, despite his apathetic front. When he removed his hand, he felt Archimedes’ confusion.

_What’s up with your eyes?_

Merlin sighed. “I’m kind of blind. I mean, my magic helps me so nobody really knows about it, but it’s not perfect.”

 _So you can’t see me?_ Archimedes sounded small and Merlin gave him a smile.

“It’s fine. I’m honestly lucky, I thought that I would be fully blind, but then I got this second sight. It’s not so bad. Except at night, when I’m back to fully blind.”

Archimedes was silent and Merlin could feel him thinking.

_Do you want to use my eyes?_

Merlin remembered when he could see through the pheasant and felt his excitement rise. “Really? Would that be okay? I mean, I realize I just sort of grabbed your mind without permission-”

_It’s fine. I like your magic. It helped my indigestion._

Merlin smiled. “Thank you.”

Archimedes tried to be humble about it, but Merlin could sense his satisfaction. Merlin closed his eyes and followed his magic into Archimedes’ mind. Once there, he wondered at the sights around him.

It was a strange feeling. He could feel his body sitting on his bed, almost like right before you fall asleep, when you can’t really move. His mind though, was with Archimedes and because of that he could see his room, actually see it. The red of a shirt on the floor, the various browns and beiges.

_This room is boring. Let’s fly._

Before Merlin could protest, Archimedes flew out the window, taking his mind with him. If seeing his room was amazing, being able to see the bright colours of the kingdom and then over the bright greens of the forest. He could see the area that Morgana had burnt down, feeling a bit dizzy and Archimedes quickly changed direction. Then, they were facing the sunset.

If Merlin had his body, he would’ve been tearing up. The sky was lit up in reds and pinks and oranges. He realized how much he took them for granted. How could he have never taken in the beauty of a sunset before?

As the sky turned a darker blue, Merlin paused.

 _My sight doesn’t work after dark,_ he thought.

Archimedes laughed. _Maybe, but mine does._

Merlin tried to protest, but Archimedes continued flying as the sky turned darker and darker. But he could still see. He was able to see at night.

Then he realized. He’d be able to see _the stars_.

Archimedes sensed his joy and landed on a branch where they could watch the sky turn black and the stars come out. If he had his body, Merlin would’ve been grinning like an idiot. As it was, he was making Archimedes buzz with excitement that was not his own.

 _Sorry,_ Merlin thought.

_Don’t be._

And for the first time in months, Merlin watched the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what it is with my fics and Merlin becoming a bird, but whatever. It's fun


	13. Chapter 13

Archimedes quickly became a close friend. He would visit every night, claiming it was just for a minute (which Gaius was starting to notice the depletion of), but they would spend time talking. About nature (apparently pheasants were really annoying, so Merlin shouldn’t be so broken up about it), about books (Archimedes liked hearing about his namesake), and even about magic.   
Archimedes was fascinated by how Merlin’s worked, especially the immortality. He said that he could feel it when their minds connected, as though he were sharing in it. When Archimedes once showed up with a slightly crooked wing, connecting their minds healed it. Archimedes said that the Druids might have hope yet.  
Feeling as though he had to thank Merlin, he offered every night for them to go flying. Merlin loved it, but he couldn’t say yes every time. Some days he was too tired, and some days he just couldn’t handle going back to blindness after such a magical experience. Archimedes understood and they spent those nights just talking.  
Other people seemed to notice Merlin’s change in attitude. Although he knew he could tell Gaius or Gwaine, he couldn’t help but keep it a secret. Archimedes wasn’t like his magic or his blindness. Their friendship was something just between them and he didn’t need to share it.  
So, he threw off Gwaine’s comment of “Have you found a better shag than me?” and went about his days looking forward to talking to Archimedes and seeing the stars.  
Arthur also noticed his mood and was annoyingly grumpy about it until one day, when Merlin brought him his breakfast to find him already dressed.  
“Merlin,” he sounded resigned. “I wanted to apologize.”  
Merlin almost dropped the tray and quickly set in on the table before he could. “What?”  
“I realize that I have treated you… unfairly these past few weeks, but if Gwaine makes you this happy-”  
He quickly cut him off. “What the hell are you on about?”  
Arthur was giving him a pointed look. “You and Gwaine. Courting.”  
He couldn’t fight the laugh that escaped him. “Courting?”  
Arthur grew annoyed, but Merlin could sense some embarrassment. “Well, aren’t you?”  
“Of course not!”  
“But, the other day-”  
Merlin took a breath to calm down. “Look, Arthur. I know you’re a romantic at heart and all, but one shag doesn’t necessarily mean courtship.”  
Arthur opened and closed his mouth a couple times in horror. “So, you’re just… sleeping around?”  
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I do not just sleep around. I was lonely, he’s a close friend, we had a thing, now it’s over.”  
While Arthur took that in, Merlin felt his amusement give way to curiosity. Why did the idea of him and Gwaine courting bother him so much? What was with Arthur’s sudden interest in his personal life?  
He felt his stomach flip. Was he jealous?  
He shook his head. That was ridiculous. Arthur was not jealous. Then Merlin’s brain to mouth filter decided to stop working.  
“Why do you care so much?”  
Arthur cleared his throat, awkward. “No reason. Just wondering.”  
“Then why were you so upset about the idea of us courting?”  
“I wasn’t upset.”  
Merlin crossed his arms. “Arthur. You were a right prat ever since you saw us together. I think it’s safe to say you were upset.”  
They glared at each other for a minute when suddenly Arthur stomped forward and kissed him.  
Merlin’s instincts (whether they were his, his magic’s, or both, he wasn’t sure) kicked in and he immediately returned it, eyes falling shut as a million thoughts ran through his head.  
This was Arthur. His Arthur. His king, who he was destined to protect, who he wanted to protect. But he was also Camelot’s king. Camelot’s anti magic king, who would kill Merlin if he ever found out about him.  
He quickly broke them apart, lips tingling and senses taking in the hurt look on Arthur’s face. Merlin always cared for Arthur and always would, but Arthur had no idea who he really was. He was keeping a million secrets from him and lied to him on a daily basis. This was not the proper foundation for a relationship.  
“Arthur, I-”  
He was cut off by a knock at the door. They stepped apart, Merlin feeling Arthur’s intense gaze on him.  
“Come in,” Arthur said.  
Leon entered, urgent. “Bandits, sire. Sighted nearby. There are rumours of a sorcerer among them.”  
Arthur immediately straightened and Merlin jumped to action.  
“I’ll prepare the horses.”  
He felt Arthur’s piercing look. “You will stay here, Merlin.”  
Merlin couldn’t help but laugh. “Please.” He left to prepare everything before Arthut could respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, more drama.
> 
> I've been at Starbucks for nearly six hours and have had so much caffeine but I only have a few chapters left, holy crap


	14. Chapter 14

It was quiet as they rode out, Merlin wanting to stay near Arthur but also wanting to keep his distance. He rode near the knights, mind running through everything that happened.

Arthur was someone he never allowed himself to want. He always knew he could fall for him: Honest, brave, handsome, kindhearted (much as he tries to hide it), but he also knew there was no chance. The king was off limits and that was that.

Except, now that was not that. Because Arthur kissed him. And it was nice, goddamn it. And Merlin would like to do it again, but he knew he couldn’t. Not when he was lying to him so often.

Merlin shook his head and focused. He felt the hairs on his neck prick up and shouted “Get down!” as arrows suddenly rained down on them. The arrows were quickly followed by bandits, shouting and waving weapons madly. Merlin’s magic went haywire, trying to take in everything happening at once.

He immediately went to the side to get behind a tree and catch his breath. When he could focus again, he sent out his magic in tendrils, trying to sense where he was needed. While unable to see anything, his magic allowed him to help. He could break this branch and trip that bandit.

It seemed to be of no use, however, because he felt a bunch of knights suddenly hit the ground. Then there was Arthur’s voice saying “Where did Merlin go” and then Leon’s voice saying “It’s Morgana!”

Merlin jumped away from the tree. If Morgana saw him, there would be a lot of explaining to do. He also couldn’t just leave them. He heard more bandits coming and the clashing of metal against metal. He heard Arthur grunt in pain, he heard Morgana’s cold laugh. There were so many noises and so much going on and it hurt his head.

He clasped his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, even if it made no difference. His head was pounding and he wished that everyone would just SHUT UP.

He felt tears streaming down, stinging his tender eyes, but then, amongst all the chaos, he heard a faint hooting noise. Archimedes.

He raised his magic up to where the owl was sitting in the tree and smiled. He sat down behind the tree, hoping his body would stay safe, and entered Archimedes mind, using it to view the battle.

He was pleased to learn that he could funnel magic through Archimedes, sending out more subtle spells to help the knights below.

It wasn’t pretty. The knights were vastly outnumbered, but Merlin outnumbered them all. He managed to help turn the tide of the battle, unbeknownst to all of them, but as they swooped around, he noticed Morgana with an arm around Arthur. He flew closer and heard her begin a transportation spell. He managed to reach them just in time as they all began spinning, vanishing from sight.


	15. Chapter 15

Arthur knew he was doomed when Morgana showed up. It was always a struggle to beat her at sword fighting when they were growing up (and reluctant as he was to admit it, he often lost), but now she was also a sorceress and was impossible to defeat.

He fought against her grip when she grabbed him, but his side was already bruised and struggling made the pain worse. Morgana laughed and began chanting. The wind picked up around them and then he was somewhere else.

They were still in the forest, but they were far from the noise of the battle. Morgana threw him to the ground and he immediately clutched his side before standing up to take in his surroundings. Everything around them was burnt and the area was devoid of life, save for a lone owl in the skeletal trees.

“I thought it fitting, to kill you here,” Morgana smiled at him. Her eyes were shining with manic glee. “Tell me, do you still think it was an accident, what happened here?”

Arthur frowned in confusion. “What? The forest fire?”

Morgana gave him an incredulous look and Arthur had the feeling he was missing something.

“Did you never find his body? What? Did you think your manservant just up and left one day? As if that loyal dog would ever leave your side!”

“Merlin?” The name was thick on his tongue, his heart still stinging from that morning.

“You should’ve seen his face when I ran him through.” Her eyes lit up. “Here, let me show you.”

Arthur’s head spun as Morgana raised her hand, creating a transparent vision of herself holding up a struggling Merlin. The manservant raised a hand, but then his eyes went wide as Morgana’s sword went through him and he was dropped to the ground. The owl in the tree hooted.

Arthur watched the vision of a bloody Merlin fade away, feeling as though he were about to throw up. Morgana laughed at his expression.

“I wish I had stayed to listen to his screams as he burnt to a crisp,” she waved a hand to the damaged forest. “But, you know, things to do, people to see, murders to plan.”

Arthur’s head spun. The damage in the area had to be months old. How could Morgana have killed Merlin if he was in Camelot the whole time?

A horrible thought occurred to him. “Did you send someone to Camelot, disguised as Merlin?”

Morgana frowned. “Nice idea, but I preferred having you suffer.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why do you ask?”

Arthur felt both relief and fear. “But, he can’t be dead.”

“Oh, I assure you, he is. After the Serket and the Fomorrah and everything else, I took no chances. Nobody could survive that.”

Arthur was confused. Seeing this, Morgana was also confused. Then she became angry.

“Please tell me that he did not escape death _again_?”

Arthur nodded slowly. “I think so.” Apparently Merlin was not in a village helping sick people. He had been dying. Apparently this was a thing he did often.

Morgana let out a scream of rage. “I guess I’ll just have to settle for killing you.”

She raised a hand, but then the owl flew towards her, clawing at her face and knocking her back. Arthur smiled a bit as the owl flew to hover beside him.

“Stupid bird!” Morgana cried.

Then, the owl’s eyes glowed gold. There was a sudden wind that whipped up beneath it and when it all calmed down, there stood Merlin, the scarring around his eyes looking more like burns than scratches, now that Arthur looked closer. And he was looking closer, because said eyes were glowing bright gold.

“Not just a bird,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting real


	16. Chapter 16

As soon as he saw where Morgana had taken them, Merlin knew his secret was out. At least she explained some stuff for him. Talking hurt his throat.

Reversing his magic to bring his body to his mind was tricky, but not impossible, and he very much appreciated is at it allowed for a much more dramatic entrance than if he had had to run the entire way there. He would’ve shown up all flushed and panting and no one would’ve been impressed or terrified. Like they were now.

Morgana was looking at him in pure rage, probably thinking back to all the times she had confessed her worries about magic to him. He tried to stifle down the guilt. His rough throat and unseeing eyes helped.

Arthur was in utter shock and Merlin didn’t even try to comprehend what he was thinking. Instead, he raised a hand and created a ball of fire.

“Remind you of anything, Morgana?” His voice sounded bitter to his own ears. Blindness will do that to you.

“How?” Morgana was borderline hysteric. “How do you keep surviving?” Her voice ended in a shriek and he half expected her to stomp a foot in rage.

“I would’ve thought you’d have figured it out by now. It’s in my name.”

She was confused, so Merlin decided to help her out a bit.

“Other name. I don’t use it that often, a bit pretentious really and that’s his job.” He jerked his head towards where Arthur was still frozen in shock.

He felt Morgana’s realization. “Emrys!”

“Got it in one,” he threw the fire at her, but she dodged out of the way. Merlin had to blink a few times, eyes burning from being so close to flames. He decided to go with the other elements.

He channeled his magic down, through the earth. He could feel the life underneath the charred crust, fighting to reach the surface. He used it to funnel his magic to where Morgana had regained her bearings and gave a slight push.

Well, maybe not so slight.

He felt the ground shake around her, not allowing her to stand up again. He could feel her rage grow until she let out a loud shriek. It sent a blast of something his way, pushing him back and making him lose the connection to the ground, making it grow still.

As he started to get up, he heard Morgana call a ball of fire and froze. Not this time.

He rose and lifted a hand. He barely had to move it in order to end Morgana’s spell. He was the greatest sorcerer ever to walk the earth, after all.

He then started his own spell, controlling the wind to whip up around Morgana, tossing her around and preventing her from attacking. Finally, he let her drop to the ground in a heap.

Merlin tilted his head, feeling a familiar presence and his lips twitched in realization.

“Arthur,” he called. “I need your sword!”

No response. Apparently Arthur was still taking this all in. Understandable, but not the best timing. Merlin sent his magic towards the king and gave him a slight shock. Arthur jumped to attention.

“You-”

“ARTHUR! Give me your sword!” Shouting made it feel like there was a knife in his throat, but it got Arthur moving. He felt the sword fly towards him and had his magic help him catch it by the handle.

He felt Morgana start to rise, recovering from his attack.

“You always were an idiot, Emrys. I’m a High Priestess! No mortal blade can-”

She was cut off by him raising a hand and pulling her into his grasp. He held her right over the place she had left him, all those months ago.

He grabbed her collar and pulled her in close. He wondered what she saw reflected in his empty eyes. Whether she could see how much she had changed from the kind, caring woman she had been when he arrived at Camelot. He felt her freeze in realization, but it wasn’t of her insanity.

“You’re bli-”

He stabbed her before she could finish. Her mouth was open in shock, registering the pain and the strangeness of the blade. He nodded at her confused look.

“This is no mortal blade.”

He pulled out the sword and threw it away so he could hold Morgana as he lowered her to the ground. He had pierced her heart and life was leaving her quickly. He couldn’t see her face, but he could feel her pain and shock and even a bit of remorse. He put a hand on her forehead and bent his head, feeling a tear escape.

“I’m sorry.”

With the last of her strength, she whispered “Me, too.”

And then she was gone. Merlin’s eyes stung and he sniffed before murmuring a quiet spell. Morgana’s body slowly disappeared, as though the ground absorbed it. He felt the weight leave his arms and as his hands fell to the ground, he felt the familiar tickle of grass.

The air began to fill with the scent of trees and flowers. He could hear the chirping of insects and birds as they returned to the area. He wondered what the clearing looked like.

 _It’s beautiful,_ Archimedes spoke in his mind.

With another spell, Merlin raised a sapling from the ground where Morgana had fallen. A bit of magical help allowed it to grow taller than him. A rowan tree.

Blinking away his last few tears, Merlin stood solemnly, bowing his head in respect. Until a voice pulled him from the moment.

“You’ve lied to me.”

Merlin instinctively turned towards the speaker and for once, he was thankful he couldn’t see Arthur’s face.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just a lot of dialogue, so... yea

As soon as Arthur tried to approach him, he collapsed in pain. Merlin immediately rushed towards him.

“We have to find the others. Get supplies, see to your wounds.”

He reached out a hand, which was immediately slapped away.

“Don’t touch me,” Arthur spat out. “You- you’re-”

“I was born with it.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I’m not an idiot, even though you apparently see me as one.”

“Arthur-”

“Why would you learn magic? After all it’s done to Camelot? To-to me.”

Merlin bit back his anger. “Learn it? Do you think this was a choice? Do you honestly think I would choose to live in fear of execution if I make the smallest mistake? Do you think I would choose to be labelled a monster by people who have never met me? Do you think I would choose having to grow up with only one friend because my mother didn’t want people to find out about me? To have everyone in the village treat me like a freak? Do you think I would choose to listen all these years as you go on and on about the evils of magic, all the while knowing that the moment you found out about me you would see me the same way? Why, Arthur, would anyone choose that?”

Arthur was silent for a moment, but his anger didn’t fade. “I don’t know who you are.”

Merlin gave a dry laugh. “Maybe, but it’s about time you learned.”

He held a hand over Arthur’s bruised ribs and felt him try to jerk away in fear.

“What are you doing?”

“I can heal your wounds.”

“No,” his voice was firm. “I don’t want you to use…magic on me.”

Merlin groaned in frustration and considered just using magic anyway, but knew it wouldn’t help the situation.

“Fine. Let’s go find the other knights. Are you okay to walk?”

“I’m fine.”

Merlin helped Arthur up and was immediately pushed away, but had to go back when Arthur threatened to fall over.

“Look, I know you hate me, but you can’t walk by yourself.”

He felt Arthur’s disdain, but he had no choice. Reluctantly, he put an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and let him help. He brought the fallen sword to them with a glance and gave it to a hesitant Arthur to put away.

They walked slowly, Arthur clearly fighting not to gasp in pain. They were quiet for a bit, but Merlin felt Arthur looking at him in curiosity, clearly wanting to ask something.

“What is it, Arthur?”

“You’ve killed before.”

Merlin set his jaw. Of course Arthur noticed that.

“Protecting you is not easy. You have lots of enemies.”

“Protecting me? Is that what you call it?”

Merlin rolled his eyes, despite the twinge of pain it caused. “You have a great destiny, Arthur. You are the Once and Future King and will unite the land of Albion and bring us into a Golden Age.”

Arthur scoffed, but Merlin went on.

“There is also a prophecy of a warlock, Emrys, who will protect you and aid you in this feat. My magic has been, and always will be, for you.”

Arthur thought that over for a minute. “How many people have you killed?”

Merlin squirmed and adjusted Arthur’s grip on him. “Too many.”

“Who?”

Clearly, he wasn’t letting this go.

“Well, many of your enemies. Mary Collins, Edwin Muirden, Nimue, Julius Borden, Sophia and her father-”

“They weren’t evil!”

“Um, actually they were Sidhe and wanted to sacrifice you in order to return to Avalon.”

“Another lie, then.”

Merlin sighed before chewing his lip nervously. “I, er, I also killed Agravaine. During the battle.”

He felt Arthur stiffen slightly and they continued walking in silence. Eventually, though, he spoke up again.

“How do you know where we’re going?”

Right. “Er, my magic. It allows me to… sense the path ahead.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “So you lied about being an idiot as well.”

Merlin smiled wryly. “Oh, trust me. That was no lie.”

They continued to trudge through the forest and Merlin hoped Arthur was done with questions, but this was Arthur.

“Did you enchant me? To… have feelings for you?”

Merlin had to fight the urge to drop him right there and then.

“You really think that lowly of me?”

“I don’t know what to think of you, considering all the lying.”

Merlin adjusted Arthur again. “If you remember, I rejected you.”

He felt Arthur sink against him. “Right.”

“I couldn’t be with you that way, not when I had so many secrets from you.”

“That’s why you refused me?”

Merlin nodded.

“Does Gwaine know?”

He should’ve expected that to be the next question. “He does, but I didn’t tell him. Apparently he’s known for a while, him and Percy. I guess I’m not the most subtle.”

“So, I am an idiot, then.”

Merlin shook his head.  “You didn’t want to see it.”

“Who else knows?”

Merlin hesitated, so Arthur added “I won’t arrest them, or anything. I just want to know.”

Nodding, Merlin responded. “Well, my mum, obviously, and Will. That was why he took the blame in Ealdor. Gaius, but I didn’t tell him either. He fell when we first met and I had to save him. Uh, Lancelot found out when I helped with the Griffin. There are a few others, that you don’t know. Most Druids can sense my magic, so they all know.”

Arthur was bemused. “How did I miss this, when you’re so careless? Is there anyone you actually told, on purpose?”

Merlin was silent. “Aside from Will, there were three others.”

Arthur nodded for him to continue, so he decided to start with the least painful memory.

“Um Gilli. From the tournament.”

“You told that random kid?”

“He was using magic. Wanted recognition and fame, I suppose. Eventually, he thought he could use it to kill Uther and end the persecution on magic.”

“What?” Arthur was alarmed.

“I talked him out of it, though. “

“How?”

Merlin shifted uncomfortably. “He thought that I didn’t understand… Having magic and being unable to use it freely. Being able to defeat armies with a single glance, and having to act like a fool. Being more powerful than anyone, yet having to live like a shadow.”

His eyes stung and he resisted the urge to rub them. So much for least painful.

“The second person?” Arthur’s voice was hoarse.

Merlin shook his head and continued. “Um, remember Balinor, the Dragonlord?”

“Is that why he came with us? Because you told him of your magic?”

Merlin’s eyes were burning and he brought up his free hand to wipe at them as gently as possible.

“No, he came because I reminded him that Gaius saved him. Actually, Gaius brought him to Ealdor for safety.”

Arthur didn’t seem to put it together.

“He… he was my father.”

Merlin wiped his eyes again as that sunk in.

“But that means-”

“I’m a Dragonlord, yep. And no, you did not kill the dragon. I just… banished him. I couldn’t kill the last dragon, not when we’re kin.”

“Did you free him?”

Merlin was silent.

“Did you free him?” Arthur asked again.

“Remember when the city was hit with the sleeping sickness? I asked Kilgharrah, the dragon, for help. He said he would, but in return I had to swear on my mother’s life that I would free him. Then, I had to poison the source of the curse. Morgana.”

He felt Arthur’s gaze as though it were a blade. “You… tried to kill her?”

The tears were falling freely now, but to Merlin they felt like acid.

“It was the only way. Morgause stopped the attack in return for the poison so she could make a cure. That’s why Morgana disappeared. That’s why she spent all that time learning from Morgause. That’s why she hated me. It’s all my fault.”

Arthur didn’t respond. The silence was deafening and Merlin longed to know what was going on in his head. When he finally spoke, it wasn’t about Morgana.

“Who was the last person?”

“What?”

“You said you told three other people. Gilli, Balinor, who was the last?”

Merlin felt a soft smile spread across his lips as he remembered her. Her eyes, her laugh.

“Freya.”

Something in his voice made Arthur understand who she was to him.

“You loved her.”

Merlin nodded. “She was a druid girl. I freed her from a cage. Told her about my magic. Protected her. Well, until-”

His voice cut off and he tried to clear his throat, but it felt like it was stuck shut.

“She was cursed,” he forced out. “Every night- well, you know her as the Bastet.”

“That monster? How many dangerous creatures have you freed?”

Merlin’s face hardened. “She was a girl. It was only the curse that made her attack. In human form, she was sweet. Shy. Caring. Beautiful.”

He trailed off, mind returning to those days spent in the cave, talking and laughing. Kissing.

“I killed her.”

Merlin snapped back to the present. “You didn’t know.”

“Still, I’m… I’m sorry.”

Merlin nodded in acknowledgement.

Finally, Merlin heard footsteps that his magic recognized.

“Percival!”

The knight appeared out of the trees, followed closely by Gwaine.

“Thank God!”

“Do you guys have supplies? Arthur needs tending to.

They both nodded and Merlin set Arthur down on the ground. Percival handed him a satchel and Merlin made to remove the king’s armour, but was stopped.

“Percival can do it.”

The knight frowned. “But sire, Merlin has physician’s training.”

“You know what to do and Merlin can oversee. I’d just rather have someone I can trust tend to me.”

Gwaine and Percival exchanged a glance.

“You know,” Gwaine said.

“What, that my servant is a sorcerer and has lied to me for five years? Yes, I know.”

Gwaine grew angry. “He has always been loyal to you, you-”

Merlin raised a hand to stop him.

“It’s fine. Um, Percival, just apply the poultice in the round container to help with the bruising and then wrap it with some bandages. Tight, but not so much it damages him further.”

Percival nodded and Merlin took a seat on a nearby log, sending his magic to Percival to make sure he was doing it properly as he faced away, eyes staring, unseeing, into the forest.

Merlin’s eyes itched as Percival looked after Arthur. He felt his magic flicker a bit, probably his exhaustion catching up to him, when he heard Archimedes hoot nearby, he froze.

“The sun is setting,” he stated.

“Yes, we’ll have to make camp,” Arthur responded, unaware of the panic swelling in Merlin’s chest.

He felt Gwaine send him a worried look and then it all went black.


	18. Chapter 18

As Merlin’s sight went, in every sense of the word, Gwaine appeared at his side.

“Does Arthur not know about your _impairment?”_ He hissed.

“It… didn’t come up,” Merlin said, trying to face the knight. Clearly fed up, Gwaine grabbed his shoulders to point him the right way.

“Are you kidding me?”

“He has a lot to process. Besides, I’d rather not be seen as ‘the blind guy.’”

“Nice phrasing.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and then winced at the pain.

“I can’t believe you. I’ll help you, of course, but I still can’t believe you.”

Merlin gave a broad smile and heard Gwaine scoff. “You’re smiling at a tree.”

“Maybe I like the tree.”

“How would you know? You can’t see it.”

Merlin opened his mouth to respond, but then Arthur called out to them.

“We’ll stay here for the night. Gwaine, you find some food. Merlin, you get firewood. Percival and I will stay here.”

Merlin bit his lip. “Or, I could stay here and Percival can get the wood. You know, bigger arms, he can carry more.”

He couldn’t tell what everyone’s reactions were without seeing their faces, but from Gwaine’s groan next to him, it probably wasn’t great.

“You have magic,” Arthur all but spat out. “I’m sure you’ll manage.”

Merlin winced. “Um, okay. Uh, Gwaine, let’s go.”

He jumped when Gwaine set a hand on his arm, which Arthur apparently noticed.

“What’s wrong with you, Merlin?”

“I’m fine. You know, just a little scared of the dark.”

He wondered if Arthur was rolling his eyes at him. Probably.

He allowed Gwaine to lead him into the forest and stopped once they were out of earshot.

“Any ideas, great warlock?”

“Yes. I can use magic to summon everything we need, I just need you to catch it.”

There was silence and Merlin sighed impatiently. “Gwaine, I can’t see your reaction.”

“Oh, right, sorry. Um, I nodded.”

“Great, let’s get to work.”

Being able to openly use his magic made things go pretty swiftly, especially with Gwaine’s help. He did have to explain why he adamantly refused to use his magic to kill an animal though, which Gwaine eventually gave in to, albeit reluctantly.

When they had everything, he allowed Gwaine to lead him back to the camp, where Arthur and Percival were talking quietly. Merlin heard his name a couple times and cleared his throat awkwardly.

They went quiet and Merlin walked forward carefully, praying he wouldn’t trip and fall. He managed it, eventually, and Gwaine lowered him onto a log to sit before they dropped their findings into the center.

“Is Merlin okay?” Percival asked. “Why does he need help walking?”

Right. Percival didn’t know. “Um, just a twisted ankle. I had tripped, but it’s all fine.”

It was disconcerting to be surrounded by people and having no idea what they were thinking.

“Build a fire, Merlin,” Arthur said.

“Um…”

He heard a cry of frustration. “What? Now that your secret’s out you no longer listen to your king? Are you above me now, oh great, powerful sorcerer?”

Merlin struggled to respond, but Gwaine cut him off.

“Oh my god, this is ridiculous. He’s blind, you great prat!”

Merlin felt something tickle his nose and frowned. “Gwaine, I swear, if you’re waving a hand in front of my face-”

“Shut up, Merlin, you can’t prove anything.”

Then there was silence and Merlin shifted awkwardly.

“You’re blind?” Arthur sounded mad. And incredulous.

“I’m not _blind._ I just can’t see. Well, not always.”

He heard a slapping sound, as though Gwaine’s palm hit his forehead.

“Your eyes,” Arthur went on, voice quiet. “Those scars… they _are_ burns.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Merlin ran a hand across his face.

“It happened when he disappeared for a week. He ran into Morgana.” Gwaine explained.

“That was _months_ ago.”

“Yeah,” Merlin added awkwardly.

“How did you hide it for so long?”

“Well-”

“Talking to a tree again, Merlin.”

He shifted, but then felt Gwaine move him so he was (assumedly) facing Arthur.

“Right, well, like I said, I’m not fully blind. Not usually. During the day I have a… second sight, if you will. So, I can’t see anything, but I… know where things are, sort of. It’s weird and magic and I still don’t fully get it. It doesn’t work at night, hence the-”

He waved a hand in front of his face, making Gwaine grumble about hypocrisy.

“That’s amazing,” Percival said. “I mean, not the blind thing. That’s awful. But, the whole magical sight thing. That’s so cool!”

“Yea, I guess. I mean, I thought I’d be fully blind forever, but this helps. Sorry I… um… didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to be treated differently. I can manage fine, usually. It’s just at night when it’s a bit… difficult.”

“Right,” Gwaine said. “Well, we’ve had a long day. Let’s all have some food and get a good night’s sleep so we can spend the morning finding the lost knights and then return to Camelot.”

Arthur hadn’t spoken and he didn’t as Gwaine and Percival prepared the food and as they all settled in for the night and as Merlin lay on his back, wishing he could look at the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably nearing the end here. Maybe 1-2 more chapters?


	19. Chapter 19

Merlin awoke to claws on his chest and feathers in his face.

“Archimedes, must you?”

_Just being cautious. I didn’t like the way Arthur was looking at you._

“Much as I appreciate the care, your claws have pierced my skin.”

_Oh, right, sorry._

Archimedes hopped off of him to sit by his side and Merlin sat up, running a hand through his messy hair.

“Were you just talking to a bird?”

Merlin jumped at the sound of Arthur’s voice.

“What? You didn’t ‘sense’ me nearby?”

He sighed and laid a hand on Archimedes’ head to scratch softly. Gwaine and Percival were still asleep.

“I knew you were there, but I wasn’t actively listening as to whether you were awake.”

There was a pause. “See, I know you just nodded at me. I couldn’t see it, I’m struggling to picture it, but I just… know it.”

“That’s weird.”

“Yep, magic is strange and evil and whatever. Beware Merlin and his magical ability to know when people are nodding at him.”

Arthur glared at him and Archimedes nibbled at his finger.

_He’s rather rude, isn’t he?_

“Yes, but you’re still not allowed to claw his face.”

Archimedes grumbled before hopping up to sit on his shoulder. Arthur was annoyed.

“So the bird talks back to you, as well?”

“His name is Archimedes. When I lost my sight, I found that I could extend my magic into animals and see through their eyes. That’s, er, why I was upset about the pheasant. And why I no longer eat meat. When our minds connect, I can hear their thoughts and communicate with them.”

Archimedes rubbed his head against him, like a cat. When the owl heard that thought, he scoffed in insult and Merlin sent an apology. Arthur watched the exchange in fascination.

“Why don’t you always use his eyes?”

“Well, by being in his body, I’d have to leave mine. People would start to notice if there was a random body lying around everywhere throughout the day.”

Arthur nodded.

“Shall I start on breakfast?”

Arthur shook his head. “Actually, I have more questions. Can we… go somewhere to talk?”

Merlin nodded and stood to walk over to Arthur and help him up.

 _I’ll let you guys talk,_ Archimedes said. _Let me know if you need me._

Merlin nodded in farewell as the owl flew off into the trees. He lifted Arthur up so he could lean on him as they left the clearing. Eventually, they found some rocks where they could sit and talk comfortably.

“So, what do you want to know?”

“Why did you never tell me?”

Merlin instantly laughed. “Are you kidding? You’d have chopped my head off!”

Arthur frowned. “I’m not sure what I would’ve done…”

“And I didn’t want to put you in that position. I wouldn’t want to be the one exception to the rule. If you ever accepted magic, I wanted it to be because you wanted to, because you could see the beauty in it.”

“Magic has hurt so many people I love.”

“So has swords, but you’re not persecuting all who wield them. Magic is a tool, nothing more. The darkness is in the people.”

Arthur thought that over.

“I guess I just wish you had trusted me.”

“I do trust you, Arthur. Why do you think I gave you the only weapon that can kill me.”

Arthur’s hand went to rest on the hilt of his sword. “It could kill Morgana.”

“It was forged in a dragon’s breath.”

“Morgana- She said she tried to kill you multiple times.”

“Uh, yea. I knew she was evil and she knew that and so her and Morgause kept trying to get rid of me. Didn’t really work.”

“But… a Serket. She said she _stabbed_ you. Set you on fire. How did you walk away with only your sight gone?”

“My other name, the Druid one.”

“Emrys.”

“Right.” It felt weird to hear Arthur say it.  “It means immortal.”

Arthur let out a breath. “Immortal.”

“Yea. Apparently, that’s a thing. I’ve been trying not to acknowledge it. You know; denial and all that.”

“That’s how you survived the Dorocha.”

“Yep.”

“Will you… will you age?”

Merlin shrugged. He didn’t want to think about the fact that he might have to watch everyone he cares about grow old and die, while he stayed the same.

“Can I see?”

Merlin frowned. “What?”

“Where she stabbed you.”

Merlin fidgeted before lifting up the edge of his shirt. “Um, tell me when you see the scar. I’m not where it is exactly. There are a few burns from the fire.”

He felt Arthur’s hand on his stomach, tracing what he assumed was his scar. His hand traveled up, tracing the various burns and scars that came from years of fighting for Camelot and for Arthur.

He felt Arthur reach the large scar over his chest. “That one’s from Nimue, when I battled her.”

His shirt was bunched up around his chest, so Arthur lifted it off of him completely, Merlin raising and lowering his arms obligingly.

“Oh, Merlin.”

Arthur’s hands were cool on his skin as they traced the scars that littered his torso, adding his other hand so he could feel the burn marks across his arms. Then he turned him slightly, revealing the large mark from the Serket sting.

“It looks worse than it is,” Merlin said. “Well, at least that’s what Gaius tells me. It doesn’t really hurt anymore, but apparently it looks pretty bruised.”

Arthur ran his fingers up his back, to the nape of his neck, and Merlin shivered.

“I don’t know you at all, do I?”

Merlin gave a small smile. “I’m pretty much the same person, just a few changes. And now you can learn about them.”

Merlin felt Arthur’s gaze flick to his lips.

“You said that you refused me because you were hiding your magic from me. Was that the only reason?”

“Well, there was also a bit of shock, but yea.”

“And now that I know…”

“Now that you know…”

Arthur leaned forward and brought their lips together in a sweet and gentle kiss, full of apologies, forgiveness, and promise.

They broke apart, smiling like idiots.

“I can’t wait to fall in love with you all over again.”

They kissed again, but this time Merlin pulled back sharply.

“Wait, love?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, look at that open and ambiguous ending.  
> Idk, I'll probably add an epilogue. Mainly because then this fic will be exactly 20 chapters.


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue, short and sweet

Merlin was flying over the city, taking in all the bright colours.

 _It’s always funny to see how excited you get about this,_ Archimedes laughed.

Merlin didn’t care. He just focused in looking at everything he could before he had to go back. Speaking of…

Merlin winced at the sound of someone shouting his name into his ear. His real ear, attached to his real body. The blind one.

Reluctantly saying goodbye to Archimedes, Merlin shifted his magic and shot back to his own mind, gasping at the shock. Gwaine jumped back in fright.

“I will never get used to that. It was so creepy. It looked like you were dead.”

Merlin laughed as he slowly stood up, wobbling a bit as he got used to having legs again.

“Sorry, Gwaine. Just spending some time with Archimedes.” He rubbed at his eyes, which were stinging much less, and tried to get used to not seeing again.

“If I end up getting replaced by an owl, I will cry. I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity to do so.”

“You’re not being replaced. You can both be my friends.”

“Right, well, anyway, the princess wants to see you.”

Merlin sighed. “Alright, I’m going.”

He waved at the night before heading off towards Arthur’s chambers. He will admit that he trudged a little. Things had been pretty tense since that day in the forest. Merlin remained his servant, but now they would spend hours talking as Merlin explained his magic and all the things he’d had to hide.

They hadn’t kissed since the forest, either, but Merlin could sense Arthur giving him some lingering glances and he would sometimes leave a hand on Merlin’s arm for just a bit too long to be accidental.

When he reached the chamber doors, he knocked hesitantly.

“Enter.”

He walked in nervously. Arthur was sitting at his desk, but quickly stood when he saw Merlin and walked towards him.

“Merlin, I need your help with something.”

“Yes, sire?”

“I need you to go over this speech for the council. Tell me what you think.”

He was handed a scroll of paper and held it awkwardly.

“Um, are you sure you don’t want to read it to me, so I can hear how it sounds?”

“Merlin,” Arthur said firmly. “It’s okay.”

He frowned at that. He’d avoided using magic around Arthur as much as possible, sensing his discomfort whenever he did so. At Arthur’s encouraging nod, he placed the parchment on the table and muttered the spell to raise the letters.

He ran a hand across the page, trying to make sense of it, and his frown deepened.

“This is about magic.”

“Yes,” Arthur urged as Merlin continued reading, his heart beating rapidly.

“You-” Merlin stuttered as his hand left the page. He felt dizzy. “You want to accept magic in Camelot?”

Arthur nodded, grinning broadly. Merlin wanted to laugh and to cry and to dance and to sit down. He settled for holding up a hand warningly.

“If it’s because of me-”

“Of course it’s because of you,” Arthur said. “But not just for you. I mean, you aren’t an exception, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just- you’ve shown me the good that magic can do. I realize that if Morgana had been able to talk to me about her magic, if she could’ve trusted me, I could have helped her. I don’t want anything like that to happen again. I mean, magic will still have to be regulated so it doesn’t get abused, but, with your help, I want Camelot to be a safe place for everyone.”

Merlin’s mouth felt dry. “My help?”

“Well, I know nothing about it, clearly. So, I figured you can act as a Court Sorcerer, to help integrate magic back into Camelot.”

“Court Sorcerer.”

“Yea, for a while. I won’t be able to give you your second title for a while though, once people get used to magic.”

“Second title?”

“Royal Consort.”

Merlin put a hand on the table to steady himself. “You’re serious.”

Arthur nodded eagerly. Merlin felt tears finally fall from his eyes as a smile spread across his face.

“I feel like I’m dreaming.”

Arthur grinned. “Well, you’re dreams have been known to come true.”

Merlin let out a choked laugh as Arthur grabbed him and proceeded to kiss him so thoroughly, he swore he saw stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed and your comments make me smile <3 <3


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